call and response
I was clicking around at Tiny Mix Tapes, and this article got me thinking. The gist of it is that the writer, Ken Napzok, feels that it's much easier to connect with someone who shares a love for the same music you love, or conversely, it's hard to love someone who thinks music didn't exist before Creed wrote "Higher."
I would argue that it's the opposite that's true, because, as music lovers, it's dangerous to connect with someone who loves the same music as you... because you lose ownership over it. Now, let me make it abundantly clear, this isn't ownership in that "I am so indie, oh my god they're playing the Arcade Fire on Much" way. In fact, I would absolutely adore it if some of my favourite, more obscure bands got the recognition they so rightly deserved. It would be novel to be able to have casual office/school conversation and say "I'm going to check out Okkervil River at the Orpheum tonight," and hear a response of "Oh I wanted to go, but it just sold out so fast." But, with deep interpersonal relationships, it's different.
A friend of mine (and I hope he doesn't mind the paraphrase), summed it up best after breaking up with his most recent romance:
"Oh, and one more thing. TV on the Radio were my band first."
In relationships you share things. That fact is all well and good, but when you break up, you're going to have to split up whatever makes it out of the fire. And, quite frankly, I want my Ryan Adams (or whomever else I introduced you to) back. I am going to get drunk, mope around, and then listen to "Call Me On Your Way Back Home," and, to be honest, I don't want you to be doing it too. Even more to the point, I don't want to run into you (and, god forbid, your new significant other) at the Stars show.
But music... it's not like a box of chocolates or flowers... it doesn't die, and it isn't devoured once and forgotten, and you sure as hell can't take it back. Once you put that Stone Roses cut on that mix cd, and get the reply of "that track 3... can you make me another cd of just them?" You've lost it. And everytime you think of "She Bangs the Drums" you're not going to think of Ian Brown or John Squire, you're going to think of how that song, that band, got stolen from you. The Stone Roses have thousands upon thousands of fans aside from you... but it's that one fan you helped create that's the kicker.
Ken starts the last paragraph of his essay with the following statement:
"This is why it is such a beautiful thing when you can walk through a record store with the person you are totally crushing over and watch as they stop at all the sections you were going to stop at."
Yeah, I suppose it is. But it's even better when you can go back to the record store after the fallout and not see the same person.
For the record, I'm on good terms with most of my exes... but I still firmly believe that this is true for most people 90% of the time.
now playing: Kanye West - You're My Type
14 Comments:
Have you ever dated someone who listened to crap music? Not music that was different from your tastes but still good, but actual crap? Someone who thinks YOUR music sucks?
It's not fun. It's irritating as hell and I honestly don't think I could do it again.
By 
, at
3:18 a.m.
I don't care what someone listens to really, as long as their appetite is as healthy as mine. I want to date someone who's as in to raiding my music as I am his.
That said, boys who dig 30s blues as much as their 00s noise really slay me.
By , at
3:23 a.m.
Great post Quinn. I may not completely agree, but it was a nice piece of writing. You should do more stuff like this.
By , at
6:41 a.m.
not related to anything... but what settings do you you on your digi kamera to take such great photos in a club setting. or anyone . thanks in advance.
By , at
7:03 a.m.
yeah, i should say I'm not really on good terms with any of my exes, but it's best, for me, when your musical interests compliment each otherso when the breakup comes, yu can have your own shit to go back to ... in some ways, it feels as if you're own bands have been co-opted otherwise.
Depends how long and deep your relationship with the band is before relative to your relationship with the person...I totally understand what you're saying though.
who knew i could generate so much discussion?
Jason: generally, I just try to set the shutter at something that is fast enough to be minimally blurry (1/30, 1/40), and keep the aperture wide open, ISO on 100... higher if its really dark.
thanks for the help! i shall try that next show.
By , at
10:03 a.m.
I had Rachel's experience once. My gf just hated my music and liked nothing but the 12 song loop they played on Z95.3. I used to get, "Led Zeppelin? Aren't they old?" It was not fun.
I see where you are coming from, but I can't totally agree...well maybe a little. I met someone on Saturday night. We got into a great convastion after I heard, "You were at the Constantines last night? Oh wow, how was that?" If a girl truly adores the Decemberists as much as I do, it would be great. But a girl that heard me play July! July! and wants to hear more is perhaps a little much. I think that is the distinction.
By , at
10:05 a.m.
Oh, it's me - Matt
By , at
10:05 a.m.
much discussion indeed. and you should do more writing like this, preferably in Grounder.
The last girl I dated liked a lot of the same music I did, and I think we introduced each other to some great stuff (her to me = Wilco, me to her = Sigur Ros, for example). That said, I was pretty pissed when, post-breakup, she bragged to everyone about how great the new Death Cab album is -- that was my band! It almost makes me like the album less, which is really stupid.
The new lady in my life likes completely different music than I do -- we had a discussion the other day about the Dixie Chicks, of all things. At first this really put me off, as sharing a love of similar music with someone was always really important to me, but upon further analysis, I've realized that it doesn't matter if she knows who Mogwai are or not. She's receptive to what I like and intelligent enough to articulate why she thinks Radiohead is good but Godspeed isn't her thing. That's all that matters in the end.
By , at
2:11 p.m.
After a relationship is over, the last thing I ever want to happen is to be completely forgotten. So if I get associated with a song or an album, it means that I had some sort of impact, and I think that's a good thing.
...something I felt I actually might have jurisdiction to comment on...
the comment got so long though, I had to make it a proper entry on my blog.
By 
Aleksandra, at
3:26 p.m.
Glad my article sparked some debate. You're all right!! Keep reading Tiny Mix Tapes!!
By , at
11:49 a.m.
